How to dealing with feelings of hopelessness?

[Jeff]

Hello,

I have an unshakeable feeling that my very existence is somehow an
error, and that I should not be alive. Probably many people have such
feelings; however, I was wondering if anyone in this group has any
ideas on shaking this feeling, or at least being able to counteract it
somewhat.

Some context might help. I have had depression all of my life (I'm
31). Last December I was hospitalized (for the first time) for about
2 months due to suicidal thoughts. Since my release I have been on
medication, seeing a few doctors and an occupational therapist, and
doing cognitive behavioural therapy and meditation. I've been doing
well for the past few months, some minor mood swings, and no major
depressive episodes. My social anxiety has also reduced.

I am coping quite well day-to-day, but I have no concept of "the
future". When my doctors ask me where I see myself in a year, or even
a few months, my first thought is "dead". The idea of being alive in
the future is incomprehensible.

Does anyone else feel this way? If yes, how do you deal with it? If
you used to feel this way, how did you stop it? Any ideas would be
appreciated.

Thanks

Jeff

[Nom dePlume]

Post by Jeff
I am coping quite well day-to-day, but I have no concept of "the
future". When my doctors ask me where I see myself in a year, or even
a few months, my first thought is "dead". The idea of being alive in
the future is incomprehensible.
Does anyone else feel this way? If yes, how do you deal with it?

If

Post by Jeff
you used to feel this way, how did you stop it? Any ideas would be
appreciated.

This is not intended to be flippant, but if you live long enough,
you'll discover that you do have a future, and you are living it. This
is a problem that should go away on its own, provided you recover from
depression (and it sounds like you are).

[Nom dePlume]

I have often felt I was born into the wrong world. Studying

personality has

helped with that. The reason I feel minsunderstood is that most

people

think differently from how I do. I am also hard wired to learn not

only

"intuitively" but also kinetically. And I have a "shamanic world

view".

OK, what do "intuitively," "kinetically," and "shamanic world view"
mean?

[Christina Peterson]

Mindy and I were talking about personality types and the Myers-Briggs test.
It tests 4 pairs of characteristics. Introverted vs Extroverted. (Does
being with people take energy or give energy?) Sensate or Intuitive intake
of info. "Thinking" or "feeling" proceesing of info (left-brain or
right-brain). And "Perceiving" or "Judging" as the outcome (seeing all
side, or seeing a decisive solution).

About 1/4 of the population receives information "intuitively" as systems
that interact. As much perception is peripheral as what is being looked at.
The other 3/4 "see what's right in front of them", are detail oriented,
perceive by focusing. They see individual things they're focusing on and
bring the other stuff together by processing information. Whereas for
"intuitives" see things in a complex whole and bring out details through
processing.

We all take in information through our senses, of course, and babies start
with learning through a sense of touch. As we get older we do more audio
and visual learning. We learn by watching, we learn by hearing. I still
learn primarily by touch. You teach me about a fulcrum and I will learn it
by feeling in my body what a fulcrum does, not by seeing what it does, or
seeing a drawing, or hearing an explanation. Typically, even in grammar
school kids are taught with words, and with audio-visual aids. When I see
sun on a knoll across the valley, I feel the sun on my shoulder, eg. It's a
visceral kind of thinking. There is a stronger sense of an answer
(literally) "feeling" right. In taking Justice classes I had trouble
learning things that were regulations (which you memorize to words of)
because they didn't have a sense of right and wrong. It tends to be a more
difficult learning style (and slower) but more thorough. But memorization
is extremely difficult for me. Anything I can't internalize is very
difficult to learn.

A "Shamanic world-view" refers to a view of life that is not
compartmentalized. Does not have the beginnings and endings most people
have/need. Time is a foriegn concept. Life, like time, braids and weaves,
without finite start and end. About 5 years ago, I learned this while
talking to my mother about starting and finishing. She said, OK, what about
a line? It has a start and finish doesn't it? And I said, no. But I put
down the pen her and pick it up there, she says. To me, the line did not
stop, although the ink did. When I related this to my therapist, expecting
him to agree that Mom was wierd, he told me I was the odd one. That this is
something you usually see in Natives who can't adapt to Western ways of
thinking.

Post by Nom dePlume

I have often felt I was born into the wrong world. Studying

personality has

helped with that. The reason I feel minsunderstood is that most

people

think differently from how I do. I am also hard wired to learn not

only

"intuitively" but also kinetically. And I have a "shamanic world

view".
OK, what do "intuitively," "kinetically," and "shamanic world view"
mean?
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D
Yes, you, too, can be a social aphid!

[Adam Sargant]

Post by Jeff
Hello,

<snip>

Post by Jeff
I am coping quite well day-to-day, but I have no concept of "the
future". When my doctors ask me where I see myself in a year, or even
a few months, my first thought is "dead". The idea of being alive in
the future is incomprehensible.

Make something up. That's what we all do when asked to imagine the future,
but generally we are able to give the fiction enough of a sense of
continuity from the past and present to the future. Make something up, and
then let me know what makes it unconvincing.

And where do you see yourself tomorrow?

Adam

[MrUK4U]

Yes, I liked the advice that is being given, below.../-Thanks!-/;-)
I want to try and become less focused on material things and my
physical senses... they have been the source of many of my problems.
<<<

...because, I'm unemployed.../and, am also unfit to work both mentally(Manic
Depression/ADD-Attention Deficit Disorder)/physically(stomach ulcer/ulcerative
colitis), as well.
I don't feel you will ever stop the way you feel... it's part of you, just
like your heartbeat. Try to understand it and learn from it. You've made
some major strides forward, for which you can be proud. Don't worry about
the future at this point... live one day at a time, doing the best you can.

<<<

Yes, I really can't stop myself from feeling the way I feel...; but, what I can
do is try turning those throughts around, sometimes...one doesn't always have
to go taking absolutely everything in life far too seriously...because, what is
most truly important is not the fact that we may have had a bad
experience...indeed, everyone does, at some time or other...but, the important
thing is how we choose to react to it...do we just let it go, and, totally
overwhelm us...or, do we aim to detach from it a little bit, by quite
deliberately choosing to step back/have a good look...and, then, laugh!

Our experience/thoughts are not necessarily us...so, we don't need to go
over-reacting to it, neither...by imagining having a bad experience, also,
means we are bad, as well...instead, we can just merely let it all pass without
holding on/learning to let go...if I go and dump some rubbish straight in your
lap-then, dump it.../but, don't try putting that rubbish on top of your head!!!

Or, alternatively, we can choose to react to whatever bad experiences we do
have in an altogeather positive manner, instead...as opposed to reacting wholly
negative...learn about how to smile...rather, than, what we already know which
is how to frown./;-)/Very often I find myself getting into silly arguments
with my parent...and, I end up shouting...I do this, automatically, almost
without even noticing it?!...; so, now, I'm learning to train myself...to keep
calm...keep balance...no need to go to emotional extremes(hot rage/cold sulking
silence)...both think/talk gently, and, behave a lot more
warm/friendly/positive. Because, ultimately, when we are nice to others we are
also nice to ourselves, as well...; and, especially, in the long run...; as
there are far less hard feelings between us, and, others going on beneath the
surface!

[MrUK4U]

[Christina Peterson]

Hi Jeff,

Sounds like you've improved your mental health. Congratulations on that.
It's very important.

I have often felt I was born into the wrong world. Studying personality has
helped with that. The reason I feel minsunderstood is that most people
think differently from how I do. I am also hard wired to learn not only
"intuitively" but also kinetically. And I have a "shamanic world view".
Knowing I feel different because I am, made things easier.

And now on to hoplessness. I seem to be quite an optimistic person. My
feelings of hopelessness had to do with being overwhelmed. Prioritizing and
simplifying was the biggest thing for me to do.

The other part of hopelessness, probably has partly to do with "habit". For
me, it also included the knowledge (experience) that I couldn't finish
things well. Practically, what I'd suggest is starting small. Like, start
with tomorrow. Buy some luscious fruit and look forward to eating it. Or
to sitting in a favourite chair when you get home from work. Do you have a
favourite radio program. My husband looks forward to Prairie Home Companion
every Sat on NPR radio. I love Music From the Hearts of Space on Sundays at
10PM.

Figure out rewards you like and give them to yourself for things like, not
quitting your job, putting out the garbage in time. Celebrate the leaves
turning gold and orange. Go to church every first Sunday. Sit quietly and
be thankful for something or other. (Or use the forest as "God's temple").

Do you have plans for Thanksgiving and Chrismas. Somepeople look forward
with getting away after family dinners :-).

That's about all for now. It's bed time 11:30.

Tina

Post by Jeff
Hello,
I have an unshakeable feeling that my very existence is somehow an
error, and that I should not be alive. Probably many people have such
feelings; however, I was wondering if anyone in this group has any
ideas on shaking this feeling, or at least being able to counteract it
somewhat.
Some context might help. I have had depression all of my life (I'm
31). Last December I was hospitalized (for the first time) for about
2 months due to suicidal thoughts. Since my release I have been on
medication, seeing a few doctors and an occupational therapist, and
doing cognitive behavioural therapy and meditation. I've been doing
well for the past few months, some minor mood swings, and no major
depressive episodes. My social anxiety has also reduced.
I am coping quite well day-to-day, but I have no concept of "the
future". When my doctors ask me where I see myself in a year, or even
a few months, my first thought is "dead". The idea of being alive in
the future is incomprehensible.
Does anyone else feel this way? If yes, how do you deal with it? If
you used to feel this way, how did you stop it? Any ideas would be
appreciated.
Thanks
Jeff

[John A. Mason]

Post by Jeff
I am coping quite well day-to-day, but I have no concept of "the
future". When my doctors ask me where I see myself in a year, or even
a few months, my first thought is "dead". The idea of being alive in
the future is incomprehensible.
Does anyone else feel this way? If yes, how do you deal with it? If
you used to feel this way, how did you stop it? Any ideas would be
appreciated.

I wouldn't say that being alive in the future is incomprehensible, to me,
but I don't dwell on it. Planning for the future seems futile. I live one
day at a time. I don't have large aspirations. I am happy if I just get
through a day. I don't try to sabotage myself, but nor do I actively try to
promote a 'better' future for me. I don't feel as if I am stable, or in
control. This 'lack of control' has lead me to explore my spiritual aspects
over the past 10 years. This has been nothing but positive for me. I have
the greatest belief that there is a reason why we are all here... a
purpose... whether we understand it, or agree with it. We have a role to
play. We must learn the best we can from our present situation. I firmly
believe in Karma, and reincarnation. I intend to do the best I can this time
around... I want to try and become less focused on material things and my
physical senses... they have been the source of many of my problems.

I don't feel you will ever stop the way you feel... it's part of you, just
like your heartbeat. Try to understand it and learn from it. You've made
some major strides forward, for which you can be proud. Don't worry about
the future at this point... live one day at a time, doing the best you can.

John